Understanding Grief: Myths and Facts
When we lose someone or something special, our hearts can feel heavy, confused, and uncertain. Often, we hear things about grief that aren’t entirely true. Knowing the difference between myths and facts helps us be kinder to ourselves and others. Let's explore some common ideas together:
Myth:
You must “be strong” in the face of loss.
We’d all like to be the strong one for somebody else. Overcoming difficulty is of course not a weakness, however, being aware of our own limitations is a crucial aspect of staying strong. Knowing when to ask for help, when to rely on somebody else, and when to connect with your own vulnerability is a source of strength, not weakness. The real weakness is forcing yourself to “be strong” in isolation, not knowing that connecting with people you trust in times of vulnerability is the real strength.
Myth:
If you don’t cry, it means you aren’t really sorry about the loss.
Crying is one way people connect to their emotions. People who do not cry feel the pain in other ways, often just as deeply as those who wear their heart on their sleeves. Grief can be complex. Feeling guilt for your body not responding the way you would like it to is common, but it is not a reflection of your grief.
Myth:
Grieving should only last about a year.
There is no correct amount of time for grief. It depends on the individual’s unique way of making sense of the world, and on complex relational dynamics. If your grief is affecting your life in significant ways past one year, it may be beneficial to talk to a professional.
Myth:
Moving on means forgetting about your loss.
Some people feel guilt as a way to stay connected with the one they lost. It is as if the feeling of guilt means that they haven’t forgotten their loved one: this is one of the most harmful myths. Moving on can mean accepting someone important is no longer here, but that they are still just as important in your heart, in your memory. Actively choosing to honour and memorialize what is important to you is one way to move on with courage.
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