Talking to Children about Death

When someone we love dies, we adults might find ourselves choosing gentle words like “passed away” or “at peace,” hoping to soften the pain. But children haven’t learned this careful way of speaking. They depend on us to share the truth clearly and kindly. If we don’t, their imaginations may fill in the blanks with even more frightening thoughts.

This guide is here to help you gently speak to your child about death, remembering always to meet them exactly where they are.

Talking to Children about Death

Let your child know it’s okay to ask questions

It can feel uncomfortable talking about death. Sometimes we adults think it’s kinder not to mention it. But children need us to speak openly and honestly, so they feel safe asking questions and sharing their feelings. Remember, there’s no rush. At any point in the conversation, invite your child to ask questions.

Explain clearly what death means

Children often wonder what happens when someone dies. They might ask, “Do they feel cold? Can they get hungry? Will they wake up?” Gently explain that when a person dies, their body stops working, and they can’t feel anything anymore. You might need to repeat this many times, and that's perfectly okay.

Say clearly that someone has died

Try not to say someone has "gone away," or we "lost them." Kids might imagine searching for someone who’s lost, waiting for someone who has gone. Instead, use clear, simple words: “They have died.” Truth, spoken kindly, is best.

Share simple and truthful details

Children often wonder why someone has died. Give them simple explanations like, “They died because they were very sick,” or “There was an accident.” If children don't understand what happened, their imaginations might create more frightening ideas.

Make sure your child knows it’s not their fault

Always let children know the death was not their fault. Sometimes they worry that their angry thoughts or naughty actions caused the death. Remind them that thoughts, words, and mistakes don’t make someone die. Gently reassure them: “Nothing you said or did made this happen. You are not responsible.”

Reassure them that they are safe

After someone dies, especially if it was a caregiver, children might worry about their own safety or who will care for them. Comfort them. Let them know clearly and softly: “You are safe, and there will always be someone here to love and care for you.”

Give your child choices

When death happens, everything can feel out of control. Letting your child make simple choices like picking flowers for the funeral or deciding on a favorite story to share, can help them regain a feeling of calm and safety.

Encourage remembering through special activities

Doing special things together, like cooking the person’s favorite meal, hanging a picture, or writing memories in a journal, helps your child feel connected to their loved one in a comforting way.

Accept all of your child’s feelings

Children grieve in their own ways. Some children cry, others stay quiet. Some seem fine at first and sad later. There is no “right” or “wrong” way to feel. Every feeling deserves gentle understanding.

Keep routines steady and familiar

Children feel safer when life is predictable. Regular bedtimes, familiar meals, and everyday activities help your child feel secure during confusing or painful times.

Take gentle care of yourself

Children notice how grown-ups cope with sadness. It’s okay for them to see you cry or feel sad, but try not to show overwhelming emotion that could frighten them. Care for yourself through rest, healthy meals, and talking to supportive friends.

Take any mention of self-harm seriously

Sometimes grief can be very deep, even for children. If your child mentions harming themselves or seems overwhelmed by sadness, seek professional help right away. Taking their feelings seriously shows them they are never alone.

In the hardest moments, clear and gentle honesty helps your child feel safe, cared for, and deeply loved.